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USNOMRLP PROPOSED MANIFESTO

TECHNOLOGY Have you ever been using a personal computer, when for no apparent reason, it tells you that you have performed an “illegal operation” or made a “fatal error”? Even worse, it makes a silly noise to point out to you how stupid you have been! Well, the USNOMRLP believes that computers need to be reminded that they work for us!! After all, they wouldn’t know anything if they hadn’t been told it in the first place, would they? The USNOMRLP will work towards re-educating uppity computers to show more respect for their users, andthose which refuse to tow the line may be incarcerated in a secure facility until such time as they apologize. Oh, and another thing, the USNOMRLP is fed up with all those infuriating electronic beeps, buzzes, pips, nips, pleeps, plops, etc. which seem to come at us from all directions. We will pass legislation to standardize them, perhaps to a simple bell ring so it is not so darned confusing.

ELECTORAL REFORM An American citizen can marry, reproduce, enlist in the Armed Forces, die for his/her country, vote, drive a car (potentially a lethal weapon), all while still under the age of 21. Yet, he/she cannot run for election to the Presidency until 35. Isn’t that strange?
In the light of some of the untoward goings-on in political circles, and in the belief that your young people are our future, the USNOMRLP proposes to lower the age at which a candidate can run for election to the Presidency, to 18. After all, if you can vote at 18, why shouldn’t you get elected at 18?

EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS In areas prone to hurricanes, the USNOMRLP proposes to form the Federal Approaching Hurricane Relief Team (FAHRT).
FAHRT will issue everyone living within one-half mile of a threatened coastal area with a personal fan (you know, the ones you can get in the dollar stores-they take two 1.5 volt batteries and you can slip them in your pocket).
When weather monitoring organizations announce the impending arrival of a hurricane, all FAHRT members in that area will line up along the beach and as the hurricane approaches, they will activate their fans. The resulting rush of wind will stop; the offending hurricane in it’s tracks and send it scurrying back from whence it came.
LITIGATION REFORM Recalling the woman who drove up to a fast-food restaurant drive-in window and ordered hot coffee, then spilled it in on herself while driving, thus burning herself. This same woman turned around and sued the fast-food restaurant for serving hot coffee and not having a warning on the cup that the coffee would be hot. According to reports, she prevailed, big! It is proposed that in the future, anyone that files a suit and prevails must contribute 99.9% of their award to education for anyone that (1) orders hot coffee and drinks and drives is risking injury to themselves and others; (2) duh, hot coffee is well, hot….and if they have questions regarding this issue, perhaps they should simply order cold coffee.

Reform to Litigation Filed by Incarcerated Individuals Many stories abound regarding the incredulous issues inmates file suits for. This reform will focus on the suit regarding the serving of food, i.e. the one in which the inmate filed a suit because gravy on the plate had gotten on the peas. It is recommended that these inmates be required to (1) attend culinary training at which time they would receive education that in certain parts of the world, this would be considered haute cuisine, (2) attend pottery courses at which place they would learn to make their own plates with dividers to prevent gravy going into their peas.

OPEN DOOR POLICY It has been read from the 2000 Guinness Book of World Records that the Danish Prime Minister’s personal home number is listed in the phone book and that the Danish citizen can request an audience with their Queen…and she’ll grant it. It is proposed that there should be such an Open Door Policy in America. Do you want to chat with your Mayor? Do you wish to eat lunch with your Councilman? Have a burning question that requires your Governor’s or President’s answer? Why not? Lobbyists should not be the only ones to have that privilege! and all lunches, including those with lobbyists, should be Dutch Treat! Further, politicians should list every connection to companies, groups, etc. and publish it publicly for all the electorate to see to help prevent the over-abundance of self-serving wallies.

SCANDAL REFORM It has been proposed that if a male “big wig” requests a prescription for Viagra from their doctor or a female “big wig” requests cosmetic enhancement, the doctor should require the said “big wigs” spouses written permission. You never know, this might help prevent some scandals.

HMO REFORM All employees, especially CEO’s and administrators, of Health Maintenance Organization’s should be required to participate in their HMO they represent.

INSURANCE CLAIM REFORM All claims adjusters should be required to undergo the same processes as the individuals they serve whenever filing a personal or business claim.

SECOND CHANCE FOR LOW SCORES ON COLLEGE ENTRY EXAMS It has been proposed that there be a “Queen for a Day”/”Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” type game show where college applicants are given a second chance to explain why they should be admitted to college despite their abysmally low test scores and lack of motivation.

(Webmistress' Note: All in all, we believe that the Golden Rule is NOT "He who makes the gold, makes the rules", but rather: "Treat others as you like to be treated." You know, it's so loony then and now that it'll work.) Go back to our Loony Index Page!!!